Independence is the result of children being loved
Adults are not independent and have no strength to bear the weight of life, otherwise there will not be so many people in their thirties who have given up their ideals!
The child is not independent and is easily enslaved by external forces. He observes and observes all day long, and is cautious. Under long-term depression, the child gradually loses himself and becomes a lost lamb.
When the mother is “lucky”, you must love your children more than you love yourself, because children rely on love to grow, become independent, and live a happy life.
Love is the consequence of children’s independence, and independence is the consequence of children being loved.
Why can’t most of our mothers do this?
Because we have not grown up, we are craving for love, and we are on our way to independence.
For example, we particularly hope that our husband can take care of us when we return. Especially when we are tired after finishing work, we have to do home chores while the child is “troubled”
.Shouting: “Why are you .” We were so angry.
Why don’t children consider us?
Why doesn’t the husband appease us?
Because we are not independent.
The whole life process before we have children may not develop normally.
Independence leaves us with no energy to bear the weight of life, let alone treat life optimistically, otherwise most of us will not give up our hopes and ideals in our thirties.
Our spiritual development should be integrated with our lives and our psychological development, and should not be separated.
But we were separated.
Confucius said, “Thirty stands.
“This” establishment “is spiritual. This” establishment “is actually a psychological and professional independence.
A thirty-year-old person, if he has been sufficiently developed, he can “stand up”, and at this time he will not depend on any one person.
This is the most normal and complete development process.
Independence is the substantial difference between children and adults.
Love makes people independent, independence makes spiritual development, love is the basis of intellectual development.
With love, you can talk about independence.
What is love?
Love is above all a state of mind.
The thing that touched me the most was “shampooing”.
For the shampooing child, her father is a soldier, a trainer, and a very nice person.
Her dad often squatted in the yard to watch his children play, watching absently, often.
But he can’t take care of the child’s inner growth, his child can’t get love, this father only occasionally “rare” the child: “Come, father is rare and rare.”
“Hold it in a circle.
I often feel that he is not her father, but rather her brother.
We originally thought that when we have children, we will love our children more, we hope that children grow up better than us, but we can not do it.
Because most of our childhood did not grow up well, those bad things have accumulated on us as subconscious, and we are also using these things to treat children.
To love children first means that they cannot be ignored.
Love is not an occasional concern, not a whim, or even an occasional hate, a kind of hate vented by “hitting”, even if you say it is because you love him, hate him forever.
I told many people: “Everyone who beats or scolds a child, needless to say, ask his parents. His parents absolutely beat him and scolded him.
He definitely applied this method to his children again, and it continued like this for generations.
“ Just look at the faces of the people around you.
Those who are fully loved not only act in accordance with the rules of things, but also calm, considerate, and want to help others.This is true for adults and children.
The so-called troublesome old children are neither normal adults nor normal children.
The mother of a classmate now has symptoms of “old children”.
A little careless and not considerate of her made her angry.
When she gets angry, she will be angry with you. You have to coax her and comfort her. For a few days, she can relieve her energy.
She is a “child”.
She tortured herself, but wanted to get your love and attention in this way.
Many mothers in our kindergarten said to me: “Look, my husband often beats children, and sometimes when I say that, my husband started working with me.
I said, “Because you are not looking for a husband, but a son.
You can only do one thing, take care of two children.
If you don’t, your family will never have peace.
. If you still love him and you still don’t want to divorce him, the only way is to treat him like your son.
Let him turn around slowly.
These mothers would sigh: “Well, I’m so tired!”
When will it be over!
“Now people often say that they need to train gifted children. In my opinion, we are very serious about normal children.
Parents pin their unrealized ideals on their children, and their children are then helped to become precocious adults.
When a person is truly mature, he allows his lover to obey.
What is obedience?
Emotionally, in life, the sublimation of the will is obedience.
My good friend Xueer’s husband has very good psychological development. He is obedient to Cher.
Xueer often gets angry and coquettishly: “You buy me litchi, you cook me chicken, you get me this, you get me that .” He did it happily.
Cher ‘s childhood was very unfortunate. After her marriage, she spent a decade of “golden childhood” again. She asked her husband what she wanted to do. Cher said: “I want to dig three feet.
Her husband would also say, “Dig it, keep digging and give you a spade.”
“This decade is the decade when Cher became himself.
Why was Cher full of enthusiasm and love for this education later?
It is because in love and freedom, Cher becomes a normal person again.
When Cher re-developed as a normal person, when Cher’s psychological problems were resolved, she found that humans are really suffering, because few people have such good luck as her and can find such a true love for herPeople.
In real life, who can tolerate an adult living like a child for ten years?
. Love is like a door to the kingdom of heaven, which has made Cher’s life a major adjustment, regained her understanding, and she began to face life independently without fear.
She often said to me, “What is marriage?
Freedom, joy, happiness, and the beginning of life again. ”
Of course, I’ve made it simple. A happy marriage can take many forms, all of which lead to the same goal. They all give love to loved ones.
Love, first of all, is a feeling, a subtle emotion, a heart’s devotion and belonging, and that devotion has a sense of security, freedom, ease, happiness, a feeling of completeness and deliverance.
Love is followed by happiness that is given because you have experienced love and know the feeling of being loved.
Giving is the meaning of independence.
The experience of Cher gives me a confidence that anyone can change, as long as you can find someone who loves you.
What would happen if people were happy?
A happy child will not do destruction, nor a happy adult will do it.
Happy humans will not destroy wealth, destroy the environment, or wage war, they will only have constructive behavior. There is only one rule for human development, which is love.
The noblest and greatest truth in this world is love.
Lovelessness and abnormal growth are the greatest sins in this world.
After a parent named Tang He listened to the Montessori lecture, his child’s education method changed 180 degrees.
That day, her little fellow thought timidly: “Mom, I think .” Tang He said, “You want to go out and play, Mom knows.
Come back today whenever you love.
The child said, “Then I’ll be late at night, isn’t it?
“”Yes you can!
You can do not come back at night.
The child is twelve years old.
He said, “Ah!
It can be so!
“He is particularly happy.
Sitting downstairs at night and not going upstairs until 12 o’clock, seeing this scene, the parent said, “I know what my child feels happy for the first time!
“Of course she went a little too far, and the child could not come back.
Later that child changed a lot!
As soon as I thought about Tang He, I cried: “I have abused my child for twelve years, and I .” I comforted her and said, “You are so outstanding, you are so thoroughly aware that your child has time.
Your child can slowly embark on another track, a natural normal development track.
“There must be a condition for such a development path: that this child has his own freedom, and this freedom is the freedom of the mind.
For example, the child’s wish at the moment is to play with water, and playing with water is his development needs at the moment.
But there was a housekeeper in his heart who was not allowed to play with water.
Montessori told a story: a child from her own home to her grandmother’s house, she wanted to open a sprinkler on the grass and wanted to play with water, but she was scared and hesitated.
Grandma said, “You can play with water.
But the child said, “No, I can’t drive.
Because the babysitter told me not to play with water.
“Her grandma said,” She’s not here. Grandma lets you drive. ”
She said, “No, that won’t work either.
“As a result, she is already a slave to her nanny in this matter.
Her personality has been secretly replaced.
What will happen to this child in the future?
If this child suffers from depression for a long time-her own depression, her personality development and ability development will have very serious obstacles-this depression must be a continuous behavior, it cannot be accidental.
Many parents said: I have overwhelmed my child, what can I do?
do not worry.
Because the whole state of man is divided into positive side and negative side.
As long as the positive side dominates, the child’s growth will not have much problem. If the negative side dominates, his personality will be quietly replaced, and he will not be able to develop according to the original state of his life.He did not grow independently, let alone grow independently.
As Montessori said, “If you can’t be independent, you can’t talk about freedom.”
Freedom has become a precious quality at this time.